


Going Up

by brownieberry



Category: Death Parade (Anime)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-30
Updated: 2015-04-30
Packaged: 2018-03-26 10:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3848104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brownieberry/pseuds/brownieberry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the elevator accelerates, she takes some time to think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Going Up

            Part of her wants to leave, part of her wants to stay.

            She truly does have a desire to live again—her old life had only just begun when it ended—and she wants to live a life where she properly cherishes those she loves and those who love her. A life where she can overcome her despair, where instead she can hold her head high and smile no matter what hell she’s put through. She wants a chance to see what her hair looks like fully white and what her skin looks like splotchy and wrinkled. She yearns for the full life she cut so tragically short.

            But still, there’s a nagging feeling in her chest that she shouldn’t leave just yet, that her time at this strange bar is not quite over.

            Was it out of fear of reincarnation? She wonders. Just exactly what kind of person would she be reborn as? She had learned so much about life and how complex it is and just how _valuable_ someone’s life is only after she died. What if none of that carried over? There would be a chance that her past mistakes would repeat themselves, and just thinking about it was almost enough to convince her to scream for the elevator to stop moving so she could get off.

            Plus, she had grown kind of attached to him.

            He was, _is_ , undoubtedly her closest friend, if not something else. In their brief three months together they managed to understand each other better than anyone else, she thinks. She finally came to understand his role as an arbiter, how he never held ill-will towards his guests, yet how he still needed just a little bit more time before human nature was no longer a foreign thing to him. She’d like to believe he was close, even if the only proof she has is his desire to find a new way of judging the souls of the deceased.

            Well, that, and his sudden burst of emotion. She had never imagined Decim of all people would become so unglued and sob so uncontrollably, but he had and all she could do was hug him close until his breathing stabilized. He had apologized over and over for his dirty trick, saying that he just wanted to understand her better but how he failed to comprehend her grief and hurt her as a result. She had been dumbfounded, almost angry, but really, she just felt so _sorry_ for him. It wasn’t his fault, she told him, and he only squeezed her tighter.

            Then there was the smile. She had a hard time believing him whenever he told her that her cooking was delicious, thanked her for cleaning up after some rowdy guest, or most importantly when he said he was truly grateful to have met her. Deep inside she knew he was being sincere, but his stone-cold expression always lessoned the magnitude of his words. But when he smiled, barely noticeable yet oh so gentle, everything he said hit her with full force and she couldn’t help but to cry once more.

            She’s mostly afraid she’s going to forget him, she realizes.

            He will most likely forget her, such is the way of arbiters, but she doesn’t want all her memories of snowy hair and icy blue eyes to vanish. Can people remember their past lives or the time in between? She sure hopes so, or else their paths will never become so intertwined again. She will return to Quindecim and see him as a strange man, not as someone who helped her change for the better, and he will greet her as he greets any other guest. A game will be played, and she will once more hop onto an elevator except this time there will be no chit-chat, no teary smiles and goodbyes. The elevator doors will close again, he will bow like he does every time, and then return to work while she goes wherever he deemed fit. They will not hug each other, ask about how things have been since their last meeting, nor will they rekindle whatever their relationship was.

            She feels another round of tears forming when the elevator accelerates.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> lmao i was gonna write a little bit at the end where chiyuki was old and returned but like it always felt so add-ony that i scrapped it.
> 
> this is the first fanfic ive written since middle school oh my god. i normally just draw out stuff but i kinda forgot how to hold a tablet pen apparently so i have to write out stuff. i also have a human au i wanna write/draw but \o/


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